Sometimes I just post a smattering of thoughts. This is such a time.
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Today, my aunt and uncle celebrate their 48th anniversary. Neither have hit 80, and they seem like they’re in their 60s. Read More
Away.
Being in the interior, here in Wine Country, feels like my summer living in the Yukon. Hills abound. And dust.
I found myself in the North, though. A version of myself. A version that complicated She Who Lived Before. I’m hoping this little trip does the same for me now, but this time decomplicates me. Read More
Bill Russell, the NBA superstar of old, was on the Daily Show.
Russell said he’d had a chat with the Dalai Lama one day and asked him, “You have a combination of spirituality and reality. When did it come together? Did it come all at once, or was it that some came gradually?”
So the guru replied that it had taken over 30 years. 30 years!
A man who is said to have been born into his religious prominence, 30 years to get to that necessary plateau!
Well, us mere mortals can take a breath then, can’t we? Read More
I’m not very comfortable posting this because there are areas in here I’m not ready to be sharing, but this is what’s going on RIGHT NOW, and sometimes accounts of these things after-the-fact are overly sanitized. But what the fuck, I’ll share.
This is turning into a monumental week for me, a week of massive change that I think is laying the groundwork for what’s going to be one hell of an interesting upswing.
There have been a number of things I have been wanting resolution with for a long time, but have only really pursued this year. Among them was finally getting diagnosed as ADD. I never wanted to go there, never thought it applied to me. But I fake it well, right? I delude people into thinking I’ve a better grip on things than I do. Read More
Got a message from my doctor, apparently my ultrasound’s all clear.
But it doesn’t really ease my mind.
The reality is, I know something’s different. So if that’s not it, what? But I’ve changed so much in my life in the last 18 months, and so much has changed on me, that a starting point for what’s going wrong is not so easy to find, since change isn’t always easy to peg as “right” or “wrong”. Read More
See my last posting. I know nothing. Knowing nothing will be the status quo for a couple more days possibly.
I have nothing more to really say about it. I know nothing. Que sera sera.
I had an ultrasound. Anything there? I don’t know. When my technician found the ovaries, her demeanour changed. The conversation about my mother’s disease/death unravelled me a little at the start. Read More
I should be bouncing madly, ready for the Von Bondies to take the stage shortly, but I bailed on my best friend for an evening at home, after a very emotional day.
Please comment, but don’t do the well-meaning “Oh, Steff, you poor thing” stuff, ‘cos that usually gets me worked up and thinking I should be feeling sorry for myself rather than succeeding being strong.
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So, I know it’s a full moon night. I know I’m overtired anyhow. I know my week was daunting the fuck out of me to begin with. I know these things. I’m sure this is nothing. I know THAT, too.
Nonetheless, my mind went spinning a million directions. Tears were had. More than once. And in my open-space office, even. Read More
Today is brought to you in part by “Can’t Give a Shit” and “Hanging On By A Thread”.
I’m at the cusp of snapping. Hosting a dinner party this Saturday is probably the LAST thing my week needs, but that’s where this week is headed. It’ll be a blast of course, but Getting There is the challenge.
I’m workdays and just under three weeks away from about 10 days off, and I’ll be headed out of town for the first time in, oh, say several years. I haven’t been anywhere, really, that hasn’t been on an easy-to-get-to ferry route in about 6 or 7 years. It’s been a fuck of a few years. What can I tell you? Read More
Freedom of education? Not on my tax dollar, bub.
The province of Alberta, here in Canada, has opted to make matters of sex, sexual orientation,* and religion OPTIONAL for their students. Parents can yank their kids out of school when they disagree with the premise at hand. [Story here.]
Religion? Okay. Fine. I’ll give you that. Make that optional. I not only understand having strong beliefs on faith, I respect it. I do not, however, understand refusing to listen to other views, not having faith in your children to be intelligent enough to hear more than one viewpoint, or shutting down education when it seems fit, because I feel that teaches children that the teachers and education itself are not credible.
But on matters of sex? Sex education?
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Read More
I’m in a bitter mood. I’m sure people would do well to enact a 10-foot radius around me today. Stay back, or be armed. Those are kind of your options for dealing with The Steff today.
It’ll probably die down in a couple hours. But I don’t give a shit. I don’t get bitter very often, and I’m not about to run around panicking because it’s happpened now. We get bitter. Emotions are a wild ride. Fight it at your peril.
Or be like me, and take it lying down. Read More
Reinforcing the reality that more than half of all marriages embarked upon will end in catastrophic divorce, the news has come out that Archie has popped the big question to Veronica.
Are they getting married? Well, that will all depend. This could be (and likely is) all just a big ploy to get people reinterested in a comic that has steadily but increasingly sucked for the last two decades.
Veronica? Over Betty? Really? Read More
Funny how we get so hung up on our hang-ups we sometimes don’t even notice when they’ve disappeared.*
I was fucking floored Thursday night when I realized the varicose veins I’d been loathing for the last year had suddenly vanished in the last couple months, thanks to my awesome new fitness regime. Poof, gone.
Ironically, I’d already bought some spring clothes last month — and no shorts shorter than knee-length. For what mighta been something that didn’t even need hiding. Silly, silly.
It makes me wonder how often we get stuck in our insecurities, fears, loathings, all out of habit, rather than reality. Is it as bad as we fear? Are we merely choosing to dwell in shadows rather than turn the light on and see what we’re really judging? Read More
Should be rushing out the door, instead I found myself trying on a variety of clothes.
Tonight, the wardrobe-beefing-up continues with a visit to yet another couple department stores. Old Navy and its ilk can wait till the weekend sometime.
I’m still trying to figure out my new image, and new styles I can now wear that I never could before. For instance, did you know I had a waist? I certainly didn’t. I’m getting all hourglassy. The born-again Christians should try their shit on me now, ‘cos right this minute I’m a fuckin’ believer, baby. Read More
I’ve noticed in the last week or so that my face is changing again, getting more definition. Tonight I went clothes-shopping. My Visa card says “See photo ID” on the back for verification, and now and again people actually ask. So, she looks at it, then looks at me, goes “Wait. Is that even you?”
Read More
Tonight I buy new clothes. Again.
My weightloss has restarted. I’m down 3. A total now of 72, from a starting weight of 277. And 5 from being under 200 the first time since I was 16. Melted off more than 30% of my bodyweight. Read More
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think I was funny, but the truth is, I *do* try. I don’t have a lot of writing in me these days, but the banter on Twitter is good fodder for keeping me in the game. Some days are better than others. Here’s from today, all from before work in about 30 minutes (except the last two, written after my ride home) after I had an annoying visit on Facebook. Some days I have it, most days I don’t. It vanished on me as soon as I got home. Sigh. Poof.
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I made the big call today. Cancelled cablevision. Does anyone call it cablevision anymore?
TV has been swallowing too much of my life for too long, but I’ve been letting it because I was consciously avoiding having a life.
Now, however, I’d prefer to have one. Read More
My night last night was powerful. I can’t do it justice, but I’ll try.
For a brief moment, I found myself in tears with one of my best friends as we had, yes, a profound moment over a McDonald’s cheeseburger in Robson Square.* The kind of tears I shed signal the end of something long and hard, a relief no one can understand unless they’ve been there.
My end? It was the first rock concert in about 15 years where I went came home pain-free. Read More
